Jesus Rocked Their World

In the season of Lent, we journey toward the cross. Today, we know the significance of that journey and where it leads: to Christ's death on the cross and the resurrection. In this journey we understand that God gave His son for us so that we might live fully in relationship with God--be restored us in our relationship with Him. I feel overwhelmed by that thought during this season.

But the disciples didn't know this. As Christ moved toward the cross, his disciples only saw hints of what was to come. They did not fully understand what was about to happen would rock their world. Shake it fully.

They knew Jesus, saw the miracles, heard his message. Certainly they believed, if not by faith, then by sight. But, for them, the full meaning of the journey towards the cross could only be understood in hindsight.

I wonder how they felt once they fully understood? When Jesus prayed at the Mount of Olives, His disciples followed Him and He asked them to pray. Instead, they fell asleep. And, later, Peter disowned Jesus. They let Jesus down--because they felt tired or feared persecution. They were human.

But, imagine how they felt once Jesus revealed Himself to them after His death and resurrection. If I place myself in their shoes, I imagine that once the initial joy subsided, I would feel incredible regret. Regret that I failed Christ in what he asked of me, in His darkest moment during His time among us.

But the beauty of the story is that, despite the disciples' failures --disciples who knew Him and followed him during his time on Earth--Christ went to the cross for them, too. The disciples knew not only a direct relationship with Christ while he walked among them, but they were the first to be restored fully to God. They received forgiveness and grace that must have felt incredibly tangible in the moment.

When I put myself in their shoes, I think of those moments when I have wronged someone I love deeply--my husband or children or parents or sibling. I replay those moments, and I think the depth of my regret, but how intimate those conversations of restoration and forgiveness are -- the opening of hearts and the pouring out of forgiveness. Heartfelt moments--often difficult moments--like no others. The embracing of each other when the valley that separated us closes and we have that intimate moment when grace comes rushing down.

I imagine that is how the disciples must have felt. Tangible love, grace, and forgiveness from God.

That is the same love, grace, and forgiveness that Christ offers to all. I don't know if it feels as tangible to me as it must have to the disciples, but it is the same. He is present always with that love, grace, and forgiveness. We just need to turn towards him.

So this season of Lent, as I journey to the cross, I think of how intimately the disciples knew Jesus and how He rocked their world. It reminds me just how tangible God is --if I will just enter into relationship with Him and let His grace pour down on me.

Teaching: It's not about the teacher

As a teacher, I sometimes get caught up in "teaching." Trying to figure out my lesson plans and crafting assignments that will help students learn -- learn the materials, learn to think, learn to write, revise, and edit. As part of this planning, I often think about the "professionalism" aspect of their learning, too. Are they aware of how to communicate professionally? Do they know the importance of being punctual? Do they understand that their integrity--their character and reputation--are far more important than what a supervisor may want them to do, or a client they may represent?

Sometimes I get so caught up that I forget that the students need me to remember that they are not just students -- but thinking, feeling, spiritual human beings.

Maybe it isn't so much that I forget. It's just that I push that aspect of the students off to the side, rather than keep it front and center. I need to love them, not just teach them.

Today, God reminded me.

The students had a first draft of a paper due, for peer review. Two students wrote me in the early morning hours, both in a bit of distress--expressing their frustrations. But between the lines, I could hear not just frustration, but the slipping away of their self-worth and self-confidence.

I added my students to my prayers this morning, but went along my way as usual. But God knew that it was me who needed His grace more than the students.

One of those students stopped by my office to talk later in the day. His face was long and he looked tired. We talked through his paper and his concerns about its structure and content.

Towards the end of the conversation, I saw a sudden flash of life in his face--his eyes lit up and a brief smile crossed his mouth. In that moment, the holy spirit stepped in and flooded the room with compassion. Before I knew it, words were flowing. I paused and something like the following came spilling out of me, "You know [Jason], you need to give yourself more credit than you do. You are really bright. Really capable. You have grown so much as a student and writer this year. This paper will come together and you will be so thrilled with it when you are done. "

It was a flood of grace. The air in the room lifted and [Jason's] demeanor changed completely. I felt his spirit change. I saw it in his eyes and in his face and in his movement.

As for me? I felt God's presence and his grace. Grateful that He knew that this young man needed more than help with his paper. And, grateful that He gave me the opportunity and the words. Grateful for the reminder that I need to keep the whole person (not just the student) and God front and center--not me . . . Even though I might be the one standing in the front of the classroom.

Reflecting on Monday, February 15, 2010

So today, I set out to notice the details. Well, candidly, I just didn't. It wasn't a day of avoiding the details -- I just didn't look at my list much today, and so, it didn't remind me to notice the details. And, I don't notice the details of things, unless I have my head completely into a project. So, I will have to put this on my list another day.

So, for February 16, I think my to do list should be "look at to do list." I guess that wouldn't help much--if it would, we all would be efficient at managing our time and setting our goals!

Monday, February 15, 2010

On my to do list today:
Notice the little details

Valentine's: A day early

So, today I put on my list of to dos:

• Be intentional about showing my love for others

I decided that showing my love for others meant more than saying I love you. But, I didn't know how I would show that love. I needed to think about it.

I sat quietly in the morning, my usual quiet time with God and me, praying. And, I ended up writing a little something about my morning prayers on my other blog From Mountain Tops -- I shared a bit about how I am figuring out how best to show my son I love him. A son who is living miles and miles away, sharing little about his daily life, and grappling with his faith.

Today I also told a few very special people about my blog. I decided that, in some small way, trusting them with this knowledge would show them I love them. You see, my other blog is about my faith mostly. It reveals much about who I am--the beautiful and the ugly and the broken. It reveals who I am on the margins of the to do lists of my very ordinary life.

Hope you have a happy Valentine's Day -- make it extraordinary. You won't regret it.

To Do: Saturday, February 13, 2010

To do today (along with the tasks on my list). . . .

• Be intentional about showing my love for others

Note: I've decided to only put one to do on my list for the next few days. I want to see if I can be more focused on that one point--be more intentional throughout the day. Let's see how it goes!

Rainfall

The rainfall makes me listen
it babbles like a brook down the gutters
it taps tirelessly on the skylights

The rainfall comforts me
it prompts me to light a fire
it reminds me that I am sheltered and warm and safe

The rainfall makes me feel
the warmth of my cup of tea and the steam on my face
the presence of my husband next to me

The rainfall makes me see
the green and brown and gray of the day
the puddles of mud waiting for yellow children's boots

The rainfall makes me pause
to listen
to feel
to see

The rainfall gives me comfort
that I am alive

To Do: Friday, February 12, 2010

Today I will . . .

Taste and smell what I eat
Spend time listening, really listening to the day

So, I had on my list of to dos today. . .

Notice the feelings I have at different times
Tell the people I am close to what I appreciate about them

I was surprized at how many times I recognized my change in emotions..many...many times throughout the day. Here are a few.

The short, but heartfelt, minutes of grief as I thought about a family who recently lost their 26 year old son in a climbing accident on Mt. Hood.

How grateful I felt when a student stopped by to say thank you for helping to advocate for a school policy change that I helped initiate. I felt appreciated and valued.

How excited I was to hear that my teaching assistant was offered a "dream" internship. Her face just lit up when she told me.

Thinking about my feelings, I've decided is a good thing. I'm certain many slipped by that I didn't notice. I'll have to make this a habit: to intentionally take note of my feelings throughout my days.

I also made an effort to let friends and family know how I appreciate them. I did a fairly good job here, but I'm not one to just plan to tell someone. So, I didn't "pre-plan" who I would tell or what I would say. I just let it happen spontaneously. So, I told three people how much I appreciated them for different things. I hope it had a positive impact on their lives. It did on mine.

To Do: Thursday February 11, 2011

Today I will . . . .
Notice the feelings I have at different times
Tell the people I am close to what I appreciate about them

Today I saw things I would not have noticed

So today, I had on my list of to dos, to

Make eye contact with people I might otherwise just walk by and

Notice color

Today, the first thing I noticed that made me really smile was a small purple crocus with bright yellow stamen just opening. I'm sure it was there yesterday, but I must have walked right by it. It was beautiful on this gray, almost-white with frost day. A reminder of spring and how new life emerges from the deepest winters of our lives.

Other colors caught my eye today, too. I noticed--and smiled at--very old 50s looking turquoise sedan with skinny tires rambling in front of my modern Outback wagon. Turquoise. What a great color for a car. It gave it its own personality -- peppy, silly, sassy, and carefree. I wondered what the driver and his passenger were like. I wanted to meet them and have tea.

I should wear turquoise more often.


I also noticed people I might have just walked by otherwise. But, honestly, I should have known this wasn't the day to list this as a to do item. After all, I was at work, cloistered in my office for 11 hours today. But, walking by students on their way to class, I made more of an effort to acknowledge and smile at those I didn't recognize. I usually notice everyone and always try to make eye contact with those I know, acknowledge them, call them by name and say hello or ask how they are doing. It is just who I am. I'll have to add this to my list again, on a day when I know I will be around people who I don't know.

February 10, 2010 - to do

To Do List for Wednesday February 10, 2010

Make eye contact with people you might otherwise just walk by
Notice color

A word about lists and an invitation

I write lists. These lists are my daily reminders of things I need to do -- tasks mostly. . . .

Pick up the mail
Call about phone bill
Write thank you to Allegra's teacher
Work on new assignment
Photo copy documents for insurance company
and so on...

But, lists sometimes controlled my day so much that I forgot to live in-between checking or scratching off the tasks from the list. The day became a group of tasks that I proudly completed, and then came the sunset, and the day was gone.

It wasn't every day, but some felt that way. And, the problem wasn't that the tasks didn't need to be done. It was just that they become the focus and the day became about the tasks. I felt like the destination was a completed list and that somehow, in reaching the destination, I had missed the beauty of the journey.

I wanted the journey and all the things that go with living in the moment. I wanted to live and feel and enjoy the moments--the loving, laughing, listening, feeling, seeing--that happen when we journey out into the world and enter into relationship with others and God.

So, I starting making my lists not just about tasks, but about living the journey. My first list included the following along with the usual "to dos":

Seek God in little things
Listen more carefully to everything

I found that I did those things. And the other "to dos" on the list took on more meaning--when I cleaned the kitchen, I heard the beautiful sound of water running and my heart beating. I heard the music in the dishes clanging as I stacked them in the cupboard. And, while I was working, I heard the birds sing and praised God for their presence and music.

And, so I thought I would share my daily list. Just two things everyday that I would add to my to do list. And, then blog about how -- or whether -- I accomplished those little "to dos"-- and how they made life a little more about living.

I hope you will feel free to join me in my journey. Make your own "to dos" or follow mine daily--and add your own observations about how they made life a little more about living.